Chapter 14: Irresponsible Behavior
Fall is here! It is my most favorite of all the seasons! I love Christmas as my favorite holiday, but I just love all the fall-ish things about this season. But I have to say that I think the pumpkin spice usage has exploded big time! Lol! I am looking forward to some times of outside fires and hayrides - leaves changing color and cooler temperatures. Yes! I love fall!
And if you have been reading along with me, you know that I am in a Bible study called Triggers by Amber Lia and Wendy Speake. I have just been majorly blessed by their book. Well, the chapter I am in resonates with me because I have to deal with a family of 7 that lives on a farm. That being said, that means extra dirt and extra messes. I am fine with it, though. I LOVE living on a farm. And our farm isn't huge, so I don't have huge messes. And my loving husband has helped our kids learn to rinse off their shoes before coming inside. That being said - it still gets messy incredibly fast. I think you will find their tips helpful in this trigger area of maintaining a home and having children help in the process.
Amber Lia writes this chapter - and I have permission to share about their book and don't claim this as my own information - anyway, she shares that her family has an approach to dealing with household stuff and general responsibility. "See a need, fill a need." Remember the goal of their book is to help us recognize triggers that set us off into yelling tirades. In return this can help our families to help us in the managing of our homes. So she goes on to say, "One thing that should be true for all of us is our biblical approach to teaching our kids responsibility and our godly response when they fall short." She shares that we have "trained them" to respond to yelling. She points out that "We don't need to get embroiled in an argument or lose our tempers over laziness. Nor do we need to scream at them as if they can't hear us. When our kids are not fulfilling their responsibility, we simply need to keep doing the good parenting - going back to the idea that we are coaching our kids toward success!"
This is where this section helps me so much! She shares some tips "that will help you remain in a position of loving authority while training your kids to do the things you ask of them." So here it goes --
1. Keep in mind that the goal is to let the kids feel the weight of natural consequences that come with irresponsibility.
2. Give them choices! (this really works! I have tried it!)
3. Make the most of your kids' eagerness to help
4. Make it into a game (this also works!)
5. Use calm and sincere consistency in place of arguing - I want to post the example she gives here because it is genius! She says to say, "I know. It's not always easy to do the right thing. I'm sorry you are feeling so crummy about it. Now go ahead and clean your room. You can do it now, or in 20 minutes."
6. Study your child as an individual and see what motivates them.
7. Choose realistic jobs.
8. Remind your kids the reasoning behind working hard and being responsible.
9. Don't take away past rewards.
10. Let them do it their way.
Amber Lia reminds us that responsible kids don't just happen. "It's up to us to train our kids and to lay a foundation of truth that serving the Lord often looks like mopping the floors or feeding the cat." It is so true! We are responsible in the training of our kiddos, but we are also responsible to do it a Godly manner. Let us continue to take away from this book to not be an angry mom but a patient, loving mom. I am still working on it in Jesus' name! Praying in Jesus' name when we get frustrated or on the verge of explosion is powerful!
Well, as usual I like to end these posts with a song that blesses my heart - and I hope yours, too! I really love this song, "Breathe." I just love the part that says, "Just come and rest at my feet." The Lord knows our need - even when it is in the teaching of responsibility to our children. I pray that as we all journey on that we will sense His hand and presence!
Take care!
{{hugs}}, Blessings, and Love to you!
:0)Chandra
resource ~
Lia, Amber and Wendy Speake, Triggers Exchanging Parents' Angry Reactions for Gentle Biblical Responses (Roanake, VA: BRU Press, 2015)
used with permission
And if you have been reading along with me, you know that I am in a Bible study called Triggers by Amber Lia and Wendy Speake. I have just been majorly blessed by their book. Well, the chapter I am in resonates with me because I have to deal with a family of 7 that lives on a farm. That being said, that means extra dirt and extra messes. I am fine with it, though. I LOVE living on a farm. And our farm isn't huge, so I don't have huge messes. And my loving husband has helped our kids learn to rinse off their shoes before coming inside. That being said - it still gets messy incredibly fast. I think you will find their tips helpful in this trigger area of maintaining a home and having children help in the process.
Amber Lia writes this chapter - and I have permission to share about their book and don't claim this as my own information - anyway, she shares that her family has an approach to dealing with household stuff and general responsibility. "See a need, fill a need." Remember the goal of their book is to help us recognize triggers that set us off into yelling tirades. In return this can help our families to help us in the managing of our homes. So she goes on to say, "One thing that should be true for all of us is our biblical approach to teaching our kids responsibility and our godly response when they fall short." She shares that we have "trained them" to respond to yelling. She points out that "We don't need to get embroiled in an argument or lose our tempers over laziness. Nor do we need to scream at them as if they can't hear us. When our kids are not fulfilling their responsibility, we simply need to keep doing the good parenting - going back to the idea that we are coaching our kids toward success!"
This is where this section helps me so much! She shares some tips "that will help you remain in a position of loving authority while training your kids to do the things you ask of them." So here it goes --
1. Keep in mind that the goal is to let the kids feel the weight of natural consequences that come with irresponsibility.
2. Give them choices! (this really works! I have tried it!)
3. Make the most of your kids' eagerness to help
4. Make it into a game (this also works!)
5. Use calm and sincere consistency in place of arguing - I want to post the example she gives here because it is genius! She says to say, "I know. It's not always easy to do the right thing. I'm sorry you are feeling so crummy about it. Now go ahead and clean your room. You can do it now, or in 20 minutes."
6. Study your child as an individual and see what motivates them.
7. Choose realistic jobs.
8. Remind your kids the reasoning behind working hard and being responsible.
9. Don't take away past rewards.
10. Let them do it their way.
Amber Lia reminds us that responsible kids don't just happen. "It's up to us to train our kids and to lay a foundation of truth that serving the Lord often looks like mopping the floors or feeding the cat." It is so true! We are responsible in the training of our kiddos, but we are also responsible to do it a Godly manner. Let us continue to take away from this book to not be an angry mom but a patient, loving mom. I am still working on it in Jesus' name! Praying in Jesus' name when we get frustrated or on the verge of explosion is powerful!
Well, as usual I like to end these posts with a song that blesses my heart - and I hope yours, too! I really love this song, "Breathe." I just love the part that says, "Just come and rest at my feet." The Lord knows our need - even when it is in the teaching of responsibility to our children. I pray that as we all journey on that we will sense His hand and presence!
Take care!
{{hugs}}, Blessings, and Love to you!
:0)Chandra
resource ~
Lia, Amber and Wendy Speake, Triggers Exchanging Parents' Angry Reactions for Gentle Biblical Responses (Roanake, VA: BRU Press, 2015)
used with permission
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