Chapter 9: Lying and Deceit

  It is the last day of June which means summer is on its way to halfway over!  I cannot believe it!  We are taking a break from traditional schooling and having more down time.  I personally like having some time of not doing "school."  We traditionally follow the public school schedule since our Sully (disabled son) is in public school.  We also have some family that follows that schedule, so it helps us.
  Anyway, last month I wrote about the chapter on Ignoring Instructions.  This month is about lying and deceit.  All of us have lied and dealt with our children lying.  I really appreciate the angle they approach with dealing with lying and deceit in this chapter.  
  They open up this chapter where she asks her son if he threw trash out the bathroom window.  He says no.  She says she takes him to his room for what they call a "Mercy Seat Talk."  Background on this child is he is inquisitive and wants to be a scientist when he grows up.  She knows this has to do something with this and says she can deal with it one of two ways -  React in anger and frustration.  Write him off as a liar and untrustworthy.  OR miss the opportunity to discover what really is going on in his heart so she can steer him back to a path of righteousness.  She says she chose the latter of the two.  (Lia and Speake, 69)
  In a calm sincere voice, she says:  "Honey, I'm not sure I believe you.  I don't think you are trying to be naughty in this situation, and my goal isn't to punish you.  You know what really matters to me?  That you tell me the truth.  That's the most important thing to me."  He answers and says he was trying to see what would happen to the trash after a few days.  She says that she knows that she wants what is best for him and that her goal in parenting is not to hurt him but help him.  
  After the confession she says that she knows that was hard to do.  She reminds him that Jesus says that He hates sin. It is an abomination to the Lord.  She then asks him a question that I find genius and have been using with my kiddos.  She asks him, "What do you think you can do to make this situation better and build trust with me again?"  (70 - 71)  I appreciate that she gives him time to think and get back to her.  He thinks of the idea of picking up and to ask next time to do an experiment.  He takes responsibility and ownership of his choices, she goes on to say.  She also says that "avoiding pain would be the name of the game.  Instead, this became a time for me to reach his heart and point him to Christ.  He got the point, understood the heart issue, and took responsibility."  She says we need to create a safe environment for honesty.    
  One last thing that they share that makes a lot of sense is chronic lying.  When children have parents that are exasperated with them all the time, tell them they don't believe them, wear them down with their words, or just frown all the time, can make that child feel like they are a burden.  To avoid punishment, or yelling, or consequences, they start lying.  To avoid the pain.
  Are you, mom or dad -as the case may be - maybe needing to consider your own sin first?  Are we creating a home of places where there is no "unconditional love?"  Do you have a home filled with "angst and volatile emotions?"  I know that this section makes me think back on a time when I had several littles.  I was tired, spread thin, and had a lot of responsibilities.  Even so, we need to pray that the Lord will give us the spirit of patience and mercy and grace just as He gave us and still give us.  He allows us to approach Him and He forgives us.  I appreciate that these ladies have encouraged us to parent from a place of patience and mercy.  Let us look into our own lives and see as Amber Lia states to see if we are contributing to shaping them into liars.
  At the end of this chapter, she shares some scripture that if lying is an issue in your home, to memorize these.  They are Proverbs 6:16-19, 1 Peter 3:10, and Colossians 3:9-10.  I encourage you to look these up and write them on your heart.  Scripture is just a wonderful tool to have in our parenting.
  This has not been a fluffy devotional, I know.  I hope that if this is something you are dealing with that you know you can take it to the Father.  He can forgive us for where we have failed in this area and help us to do better in the future.  I love to end with a song that is encouraging to you.  I love the song, "Life is Hard, But God is Good."  I pray that as you keep on keeping on that you realize that you aren't alone in this parenting journey!  

Love, Blessings, and {{Hugs}}!!
:0) Chandra

I have written permission to share parts of the book, Triggers  Exchanging Parents' Angry Reactions For Gentle Responses by Amber Lia and Wendy Speake

You can get it at this link -- Triggers.

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