Ch. 8 Ignoring Instruction

  Well, I don't know about you, but May is always such a busy month.  It seems that between kindergarten and high school graduations, along with Mother's Day - which by the way Happy Late Mother's Day - my calendar is very full.  Oh, yes, how can I forget the ending of school.  Which if you haven't read about me, I am a homeschooling momma.  In any case I don't mention any of this in complaint at all!  I actually enjoy the busyness of these activities.  It is just that sometimes in all of the coming and going, I get less sleep and in turn am shorter than normal.
  Just because we are tired doesn't mean we throw in the towel on our training as parents.  Quite the contrary!  We can call on the Lord to strengthen us through Him.  That last statement leads me into the next chapter of this wonderful book I have been reading for a little over a year -- Triggers:  Exchanging Parent's Angry Reactions For Gentle Biblical Responses.  Don't forget that you can get the book and workbook on Amazon.
  So let's get into this next chapter of "Ignoring Instruction."  This is actually a trigger for me.  I call, and call, and call, and call -- you get the point.  I sigh and then make some remark or yell, and then I get a response.  The ladies write in here, "Does their 'selective hearing' make you feel powerless, disrespected, and insignigicant?" (Lia and Speake, 64).  They go on to share that "eventually, when only one male person comes to the table, after another gentle reminder, my feelings of powerlessness erupt into an unhealthy display of power.  That's when sad turns to mad." (65)  "And I get mad at them for making me mad.  It can be so difficult to stay centered and serene when we feel we must FIGHT TO BE HEARD.  However, what would God prefer for us?  I would rather learn new Christ-like tools for healthy and effective communication than give into loud shaming communication that won't actually help anyone to respond differently the next day."  This is powerful and true!  This next bit is even better!
  They share that "Yelling doesn't change behavior long-term.  The power of a loud voice isn't real power."  The ladies share that we need to find a quiet moment and share from our hearts with the family what is causing you to yell when you are completely ignored.  They share - and I am sure you can relate to this - that whenever they are called that they stop what they are doing or as soon as possible, and they go to see what the need is.  They tell us to take time in a quiet moment and think about what it is that needs addressing.  "Consider how you might find real power in clear communication." (67)
  I get this!  I really like this next part -- "Learning to communicate with my loved ones has been a very practical resource to help me climb out of this pit of powerlessness:  Speaking words that communicate clear expectations and consequences;  expressing my feelings in appropriate ways at appropriate times;  teaching my children that if they learn to listen to and honor me, the rest of their relationships for the rest of their lives will go better."  
  "And God hath both raised up the Lord, and will also raise us up by His power."  1 Conrinthians 6:14 KJV  "That said, communication is not the source of all power.  Good communication is a godly tool, but the real power behind all we do and say is found entirely in Christ alone.  Abide with Him, that you might bear fruit of His peaceful, purposeful, and powerful presence among your precious people." (68)
  I hope that this speaks to you as it does to me!  It is such a blessing to know that we can draw strength from an Almighty, awesome, most Holy God.  He is where we need to look when we are getting upset.  Not only that, but we need to invest time in thinking of how we can respond and what we need to say and do before we are in the midst of the triggering moment.  In the workbook they say to take a moment and "journal your thoughts, and then purposefully commit those primary feelings to the One who promises that, with Him, we can respond to all these things with gentleness and grace." (Lia and Speake, Triggers Study Guide, 37)  This is a great exercise, and I encourage you to do this :0)
  I am so thankful for these ladies and how they have ministered to me in my parenting walk. Ultimately everything they speak of is surrounded in God and Jesus.  When they speak of needing His power and not our own, I think of this song by Matt Maher called "Lord, I Need You."  May you continue feeling empowered by the Lord as you continue in this journey of parenting!!! 

Love, "Hugs," and Blessings!

:0) Chandra

And a reminder that this is all from the book, Triggers, by Amber Lia and Wendy Speake.  I have permission from them to share parts of the book and talk to you about it.

Don't forget you can get it online at Amazon :0)


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