Chapter 6 - Whining and Complaining!

  Wow has February flown by or what???  I think January was just slower because of our coming down off of two months of Hallmark Christmas movies -- which I own some of so now I can watch whenever I want!!!!  LOL!  :0)  But as a homeschooling teacher, I am like all other educators and really wanting Spring Break asap!  We are still trucking along, but I can see my kiddos are getting weary.  I am giving us a long weekend in March, though, because I am going to the Great Homeschool Convention! I love getting to go - it refuels my tank to keep on doing what I am doing as a mom and a wife.
  If you have been following me, I have been sharing (with permission) some parts of a tremendous book that I think all people should read by Amber Lia and Wendy Speake.  It is the book  Triggers:  Exchanging Parents' Angry Reactions For Gentle Biblical Responses.  This chapter I am in is the title of this post -- Whining and Complaining. Now I know all of our kids do this, so it is very applicable to us.  But I will say that we all do this, so it is good to use these principles they share in us, too.  Anyway, I am going to share some highlights, but I do encourage you to buy their book and workbook because they are such wonderful tools to have on hand for reference.
  They open up chapter 6 with the words "Uh-oh" and the power that they have when discipling our children.  They talk about how wonderful these simple words are when mistakes happen. 
" 'Uh-oh' reminds us that mistakes happen.  And it sounds so much nicer and more gracious than, 'How many times have I told you...'." (Lia and Speake, 51)  They shared that "we need to say 10 encouraging things to our children for every one correction."  It goes on to share that "...this morning it occurred to me that I don't need to fit more encouragement in (there is plenty in our home) - what I need to do is trash a good deal of the criticism.  Gently acknowledging wrong behavior, reminding them that mistakes happen with a genuine "Uh-oh"...(52)  This next sentence really spoke to me - "Out heart's desire, both yours and mine, is to speak life into the hearts of our children." (52)  It convicts me even as I typed that.  Do I speak life into my children?  If not, I need to start that now!
  So now the tips in dealing with whining and complaining!  The first step is "Behave right even when they behave wrong."  They go on to state that in the whining and complaining that we whine and complain right back to them.  We get sucked into their immaturity!  This is a genius question - "Do you ever feel like you meet them in their wrong behavior rather than minister to them from a place of sincere authority?"  It goes on to state that "Their job is to be children.  Our job is to be adults:  Teaching them how to grow up and out of their childishness into maturity.  Whining is not a sin, it's merely a sign: a sign that they still have a few things to learn - and we still have things to model well.  'Uh-oh, Honey, let's try that again'." (53)
  The second step is "Use God's Word like a scalpel, not a hammer." (53)  They shared this wonderful word of scripture that I want to write on the walls of my home and heart - "Philippians 2:14-15 14Do all things without murmurings and disputings: 15That ye may be blameless and harmless, the sons of God, without rebuke, in the midst of a crooked and perverse nation, among whom ye shine as lights in the world; They go on to say, "Do you use Scripture when you're frustrated and angry? When we meet our children, in the height of their fit-throwing tantrums, with Bible verses...we wield the sword of truth inappropriately....we shouldn't use them to shame our kids in the middle of the battle. Let them calm down first, as you take a few moments to calm down, too. And let the Holy Spirit do His own convicting work. Then, once their hearts are soft, go in and plant those perfect seeds." They share that we should deal with a softer heart to impart scripture --
  They share this set of scriptures -- Isaiah 55:10-11 10For as the rain cometh down, and the snow from heaven, and returneth not thither, but watereth the earth, and maketh it bring forth and bud, that it may give seed to the sower, and bread to the eater: 11So shall my word be that goeth forth out of my mouth: it shall not return unto me void, but it shall accomplish that which I please, and it shall prosper in the thing whereto I sent it. (54)
The third step is "Act like a child of God." They go on to say, "One of the overarching themes of this whole book is the need to take our frazzled focus off of our children's behavior, and fix our eyes firmly on our own hearts. Is it possible, if you're being totally honest, that you have the same toddler tendencies that your children have?...And have you applied Philippians 2:14-15 to your own life, before preaching at your own children?" Do everyting without grumbling, complaining, or arguing, so that you may behave like the blameless and pure child of God that you already are!....we want this from our children, but God wants this for us. We have already been made holy through faith in Christ. Now it's time we act like it. Of course this takes the spiritual fruit of self-control; minding our tongues and behaving rightly. But the fruit in our lives becomes a generational gift! They learn from us as we hold every thought captive, before it leaks in negative ways out over our lips and into our homes." (56)
This last sentence of this chapter really seeps into my heart - "Let us do these mothering years well, without complaining or arguing, without whining or shaming, that we might act like the blameless and pure children of God we already are!" (56) Wow! That needs to be on a magnet or a pillow or a cross stitching on the wall in all of our homes. This chapter really spoke to me in a huge way.
This has been a longer entry but worth the time. You are worth the time to spend to work on your heart and examine your life. You are a child of the King, if you are saved. It is good for us to take time to let the Word of God seep into our hearts and help us change!
Well, as usual, I have a song that I want to share. It is one of my favorites by For King and Country called "Pricless." Take a few minutes to listen to it and think in reference to what we have just talked about on here :0)

I hope you have a wonderful rest of February and a really blessed day!

Love, {{hugs}} and Blessings!

:0)Chandra 




















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